August 15, 2021
Dear Old Melina,
It’s been a while since I wrote anything on my blog. It’s been a mix bag of feelings: lost, confusion, frustration, sadness, grief, joy… the list goes on.
Through this pandemic and losing a loved one along the way, I found myself losing myself. I felt confused, detached, sad. Yes, there was joy in between, making the most of things. But I didn’t know exactly who I was anymore. I felt stripped of who I am, as if all the things I knew were gone, vanished. What was left in me was a half empty glass of tea to quench my life on now.
I found myself feeling less in-tune with words, having difficulty to express how I feel or when I do, I forget the words. It’s an intrinsic thing in me, trying to find who I am again and creating this new version of me, a better version of me, of who I want to be. Melina 2.0.
If there’s one thing that is so truly needed during this time is compassion. Everyone is different, experiencing the same thing but differently. Nature and nurture are involved, but circumstances add to the mix. Yes, there’s the pandemic going on, but some people, like myself, lost a loved one. Others may have lost a job, needed to move, found love, experienced multiple life changing events, the list goes on. Not everyone will wear their heart on their sleeve. People may not be so open to share what’s been happening or simply not ready to share. Sharing their intimate thoughts and feelings is bringing in another person into their world, adding another person to the list of people they care and love. It’s a scary thought, especially during this time, as there’s so much uncertainty. There is so much to take in at once. So we should be compassionate towards others.
And... be compassionate towards oneself. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. There is so, so much ugly, but there is beauty in the midst of all the chaos. Whatever anyone is going through, remember it’s not about moving on, whether it’s a death of a loved one or the end of an important chapter in life. It’s about moving forward. Carry what you need with you, in your heart, and keep going. Life keeps going and we need to too.
As I navigate this season in my life, I know I need to show myself the same compassion and care towards others, towards myself for a change. Be okay with not having the right words to express how I’m feeling. For the first time, in a long time, I feel I got 90% of what I wanted to say in writing here. That’s so much progress for me.
Thank you Old Melina for all that you given me over these years. This year, it's time for me to spread my wings and learn to fly in a different direction with your guidance along the way to discover and create who I need to be now.
I’ll leave a note for myself and anyone out there who reads this who needs to hear it: Growth in oneself is a mixtape on shuffle and repeat: past, healing, progress, setbacks, and joy. There will be tons of highs and lows. Remember to smile and know you are exactly where you need to be. The world is constantly teaching you what you need to learn. Life prepares you for living.
Love,
An in-progress Melina 2.0
(a special edition)
