Year of the Tiger

 Happy Lunar New Year, everyone! Wishing all good health, good fortune, happiness, and prosperity in the Year of the Tiger. May you have the strength and the intelligence of a tiger. Year 2022, here us roar!  

Present AND Purpose?

Someone once mentioned to me that your purpose is something you embody for all aspects of your life. I thought so too, or at least that’s what I learned and thought so. It’s not. My purpose for my career should not be the same as the purpose in my personal life. They may have some relations, some connections, but they should not be the same. Each role you play in the world, from an employee to a child, there is a different purpose. I thought it’s a purpose that bleeds into each area, but there needs to be lines not to be crossed. But most importantly, purpose will change as we change. Instead of finding a purpose, we should focus more on enjoying and living in the moment. During the pandemic, I felt lost at sea, stranded on an island, trying to rewrite my purpose for my career, which in turn was the purpose I was chasing after for my personal life. I was focused on that for a while because that purpose, I took to heart, embodying my life’s purpose, when it’s simply just my career’s purpose. Growing up, we are asked what we want to be, who we want to be, what do we want to do, always about the occupation. Because of that, it turns into this item on our list, our life’s purpose to fulfill. Maybe instead of drilling that into kids’ heads at a young age, we should be drilling how to just be happy, in the here and now. Future is important, but the present is equally important, if not, more. Choose to be present AND create different purposes for different slices of the life pie. BUT focus on being present, as that at the end of the day, the purpose of life is to just to simply be, be human. Aim for being present, and the purpose(s) will follow.

REbeloom

 

I’ve always heard the saying along the lines of we need to get back up where we fell down. But it’s not really always the case. Going back to where we started (failed), we try to find that "us" again so we can rewrite that story. Yes, in some cases, it works. But others, we can’t because we aren’t trying to rewrite the narrative but we are trying to find that feeling, that emotion again. I was tough on myself on the writing I’ve done lately, on my blog, for myself, you name it. But it’s because I’m trying to find that version of me again, in the me now. I can’t. I can’t find that feeling I had when I was writing in the before time because in the before time, there was no pandemic. There wasn’t that cloud over our heads, that gloomed its vengeance everyday. It’s different and because it’s different, it will never be the same when we keep trying to look for the same feeling from that moment again. That euphoria I had writing on my blog in the past isn’t the same euphoria I have now writing. The meaning there is different. Instead of trying to find that emotion, that moment back, sometimes, all we can do is replant ourselves in this new fertilizer and see what blooms. (:

Thankful

 

Happy November! This month is all about gratitude. Time to be thankful for all the things we have in the present, in the now, from the little things to the big things. Sometimes we focus so much on chasing after what we don't have that we forget what we have is equally, if not, more important. Open our eyes, count our blessings, and see all the small and big gems we have all along. It's a month to slow down, reflect, and feel the good waves that rushed and are rushing into our hearts. 

For me, I am thankful for family, friends, health, job, music, progress, little moments, and so much more. One of the things I really like to highlight is creativity. For a while, I felt out of tune with myself. I felt my creativity has been lacking since the pandemic began. It took me a while to get back, find my creative side again, both the old and new. Very grateful to have that piece of me back again. Truly missed the spark, the fire I once had. There's always going to be some bumps in the road and some bumps may last a marathon to reach the other side. I am thankful I road this wave and reached land again. Also, I am grateful for all you readers who continue to follow my blogging journey and I hope this new creative journey of mine may inspire you or help you in some way in your own path. Feeling lots of love and gratitude today and want to send positive vibes your way! 

Fall is in the Air

FALL into this Autumn season with style. It is the season for starting something new and letting go. Close one chapter and enter a new chapter. You may find exactly what you need if you take one step into a pile of autumn leaves like the little ha gaos above. (:

Safe Haven

My definition of a safe haven is a place to call my own. A place to drown out the noise, escape, embrace, and enjoy, all at the same time. 

Music has become my safe haven. During mid-July, I wanted to do something that was just for myself. Find something that would spark a fire in me. I thought about different creative ventures I have done in the past and in the present I like to explore. One was playing an instrument. I always wanted to play an instrument and thought, maybe a ukulele. I did some research on what instruments are easy to play and ukuleles made the list! After some thinking and pondering, I decided to buy a left-handed ukulele and been learning ever since! 

I found my safe haven in playing and listening to music, giving me all the feels, but mainly happiness. A place that sparks fire and joy in me. Plus, music improves mental health, such as anxiety and stress. Seems like music is what I needed all along! (:

What's your safe haven? 

Moving Forward

August 15, 2021

Dear Old Melina,

It’s been a while since I wrote anything on my blog. It’s been a mix bag of feelings: lost, confusion, frustration, sadness, grief, joy… the list goes on. 

Through this pandemic and losing a loved one along the way, I found myself losing myself. I felt confused, detached, sad. Yes, there was joy in between, making the most of things. But I didn’t know exactly who I was anymore. I felt stripped of who I am, as if all the things I knew were gone, vanished. What was left in me was a half empty glass of tea to quench my life on now. 

I found myself feeling less in-tune with words, having difficulty to express how I feel or when I do, I forget the words. It’s an intrinsic thing in me, trying to find who I am again and creating this new version of me, a better version of me, of who I want to be. Melina 2.0. 

If there’s one thing that is so truly needed during this time is compassion. Everyone is different, experiencing the same thing but differently. Nature and nurture are involved, but circumstances add to the mix. Yes, there’s the pandemic going on, but some people, like myself, lost a loved one. Others may have lost a job, needed to move, found love, experienced multiple life changing events, the list goes on. Not everyone will wear their heart on their sleeve. People may not be so open to share what’s been happening or simply not ready to share. Sharing their intimate thoughts and feelings is bringing in another person into their world, adding another person to the list of people they care and love. It’s a scary thought, especially during this time, as there’s so much uncertainty. There is so much to take in at once. So we should be compassionate towards others. 

And... be compassionate towards oneself. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. There is so, so much ugly, but there is beauty in the midst of all the chaos. Whatever anyone is going through, remember it’s not about moving on, whether it’s a death of a loved one or the end of an important chapter in life. It’s about moving forward. Carry what you need with you, in your heart, and keep going. Life keeps going and we need to too.

As I navigate this season in my life, I know I need to show myself the same compassion and care towards others, towards myself for a change. Be okay with not having the right words to express how I’m feeling. For the first time, in a long time, I feel I got 90% of what I wanted to say in writing here. That’s so much progress for me. 

Thank you Old Melina for all that you given me over these years. This year, it's time for me to spread my wings and learn to fly in a different direction with your guidance along the way to discover and create who I need to be now.

I’ll leave a note for myself and anyone out there who reads this who needs to hear it: Growth in oneself is a mixtape on shuffle and repeat: past, healing, progress, setbacks, and joy. There will be tons of highs and lows. Remember to smile and know you are exactly where you need to be. The world is constantly teaching you what you need to learn. Life prepares you for living. 

Love,

An in-progress Melina 2.0

(a special edition)

Present = Past

Roasted Potatoes

London Lessons

Live, Laugh, Leap 2.0

This post is dedicated to adding a little color to everyone's day during this world's biggest battle at the moment in 2020. It is completely okay to be not okay. Feel all the feelings that exist and channel it through. Life is full of waves, don't get stuck under one wave for too long, come out of it on top, like surfing the waves with style through change.

To Dreams

One thousand, one hundred seventy-five days. One thousand, one hundred seventy-five days ago I wrote a post, Live, Laugh, Leap. At the time, I wanted to write something related to those three words and about dreams and ended my post with "I'll never stop climbing until I reach my dream." Little did I know what it meant to me and my auntie.

This past Saturday, my uncle and auntie stopped by to drop off some stuff and one of the things was a graduation gift for me. One of the gifts included a glass floral box with few charms and keychain inside. There was one other piece in the box that says "Believe in your dreams." I completely forgot but three years ago, the day before I posted it, my auntie bought this little gem for me about dreams. What were the odds of my auntie and me thinking about dreams merely a day (or less) apart? What are the odds of my auntie telling me this three years ago and to remember about it three years later that I forget? 100%.

It's so funny how life works. Everything comes back to a full circle. Just a few weeks ago, I was in a funk for weeks. Feeling like my purpose in life is gone, purposeless. Not knowing what I'll do for my future with the whole pandemic. Applying for entertainment jobs, getting turned down or receiving no response. Even when production studios are open again, I don't know how long it would take me to feel safe to be actually working in-person with others. Film and TV production resumed on June 12, this past Friday, and honestly, I don't know how I feel about that.

I questioned my choices in life, most importantly my dream: to help others through storytelling with the entertainment medium. Was it a pipedream? Is it always going to be just a dream? I asked my family what were their dreams and two out of four (including me) had a dream that was related to career. It made me think maybe I was too ambitious, maybe I need to shoot for a dream in a different area. For a while, this was the funk I was in. Wondering, questioning the meaning of life, the idea of what dreams are.

As I continued the job hunt, I realized at some point, my dream can still be my dream but I need to change it. Adjust it. Look at it from a different perspective. I have adjusted my dream, my purpose, in lieu of the pandemic. It's not giving up, quitting, it's repositioning a dream to adjust in the climate one is in. My original dream is always going to be there, but for now, this repurposed dream is what I need in the current state of the world.

I went back to read the post I wrote a little more than three years ago. It's crazy to see how far I've come, how I really tried to live by the saying I created: Live, Laugh, Leap. Each L had its own struggle. How the little details I included in the post, I know and remember the memories (for the most part). My dream did change a bit since I wrote it then and I definitely came a long way in my journey with Titan TV (technically Titan Communications). These four years have been not easy, from my anxiety attacks, standing up for what I believe in, to overthinking, having cancer hit home for me as I know four people with different forms of it in the course of four years affected, and adjusting to the unconventional senior year in college in a stay at home state for the last few laps. Dreams are part of how we keep going, knowing there is hope. I will keep chasing after my dream and will make new dreams to run towards.

Thank you, Auntie Sharon and Uncle Tommy, for the wonderful gifts that touched my heart and for reminding me how powerful believing in dreams are. And of course, the support! To dreams!

P.S. Please excuse my lack of parallelism in this post and lack of posting (been difficult expressing how I feel lately with words).

In Focus Interview with CSUF President Virjee and Benzer Uy

In the midst of this pandemic, lots of changes and adjustments had to be factored into every little thing, including production.

In April, I was fortunate to be able to continue to produce what I envisioned with the help of Titan TV, coworkers, and guests, using the platform Zoom. Grateful for Titan TV and the people I work with for making it happen!

Check out an In Focus episode with CSUF President Virjee where he discusses his journey and plans as president in the following: video link or below.

Check out an In Focus episode with Benzer Uy, a music artist, who shares his music path and how the Entertainment and Hospitality Management program at CSUF has helped him in the following: video link or below. For more info on Benzer, check out his website and his Spotify for more of his music!

Stay tuned for another episode, hopefully within the next year!

Different Sides to One

It’s been a while since I posted here. To be honest, I hit some bumpy roads, lots and lots of thinking, and needed some time to reflect. Here’s to reflection time! 

It’s officially the last semester of college for me. It’s been yet another crazy four years:  discovering more about myself, what I want to better myself in, knowing I want to help others in some way as my life’s purpose, understanding more about my mental health state, continuously trying to do things out of my comfort zone, being okay with not being okay, and learn how to accept and confront uncomfortable moments. But there is one thing that moved from high school to college that I noticed. 

For the past two days, I mentioned to two friends along the lines of how we only know people’s one facet that we interact with. In high school, a guy I knew, was known as the funny one, somewhat a class clown, but always friendly and goofy. There came a day, I can’t remember the exact words exchanged, but he said that he only posts funny stuff on Snapchat and I responded with I only knew him as a funny guy and don’t really truly know him. Most of the people at school only know him as that as well. 

It is the same now, in college. People only see others in that setting (ex. classroom). They don’t really know the other facets of others. It takes one-on-one time to know someone, and even then, it’s not 100%. There's more to someone than meets the eye. More to the person than one puts on or lets others in on. 

I challenge you, my readers, to ask questions, talk to someone, and really try to get to know them better. Try it once and see the difference. The funny ones may have a deeper and emotional side to them and vise versa for those who seem quiet and sensitive may be quirky and funny. Takedown the first impressions and see the person without tinted glasses. 

In Focus Interview with Professor Roberts

This past month, I was able to have the opportunity to produce, write, host, and edit an episode of In Focus, a show produced by Titan TV, at work. The process began in October with a pitch of my ideas and the rest followed after with coordinating with the production coordinator for a day to do the interview, working with my professor to schedule a day, and editing the footage into a cohesive episode. 

I was fortunate to interview Professor Roberts, an adjunct professor at CSUF, who I had previously had as my professor. He has so much stories, knowledge, and advice to share and give that I really wanted the public to hear from. The idea to interview him stemmed from not many students at my school knows about the Center for Entertainment and Hospitality Management and it blossomed from there. 

The major, Business Administration with a concentration in Entertainment and Hospitality Management is very underrepresented and overlooked as an undergrad degree. Very few know about it. I didn't even know about the concentration until I was at CSUF and considered changing my concentration as a freshman. Doing this interview not only is to share the stories and knowledge my professor has with everyone but also to share with those who may be interested in the entertainment or hospitality industry and learn more about what CSUF Mihaylo College has to offer in these fields. 

Please share with those who you think may be interested in learning more about the entertainment or hospitality industry. The video is below but the official link is here: video link. Thank you and let me know if you have any questions as well! 

Life = Pie

Life is like a pie. Our lives are divided into different slices of pie. These slices may include health, family, friends, school, career, and travel, among others. It is completely filled with multiple categories, but we, including myself, forget and focus on certain slices of pie only. Remember there are so many things in life that matter, not just ONE specific slice. It may be hard to spread one's time out to allocate to each slice, but one may CHOOSE to make time. I myself am learning this so much more ever since this summer. Yes, there isn't enough time to do everything. But YOU get to choose what fills your time to have a balanced lifestyle.

World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health Day. Mental health has began to shed some light into society as people are aware of it more and making the topic less taboo. 

Everyone experiences mental health issues at some point in his or her life. Mental health ranges from a huge spectrum including but not limited to the following: anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, drug addiction, and personality disorders. Each person faces a different inner battle everyday. This inner battle can span from mild to extreme. It can last a few minutes to a lifetime. It is a constant uphill battle for many on the extreme side. Even for those on the mild side, the mental health issue may come in waves. One minute a person is fine. The next minute may be a completely different story. As mental health becomes less of a taboo subject, people are able to open up their mental health problems and share their stories and situations with others. Mental health conditions are not experienced by only a handful but many. We are all in the same boat. You are not going through this alone. 

I had my first major anxiety attack in my senior year of high school. At the time, I had no idea what it was until my freshman year in college after talking about what I went through in high school to a friend. As a current senior in college right now, I can definitely say, I have had my fair share of anxiety attacks, from mild too extreme. I am no expert, but one of my triggers of anxiety attacks is closely academic related. Not always we know how and why our mental health issue appears. But once we know where it stems from, we learn more about ourselves and learn how to adapt and see the triggers that associate to it. For me, it took me about four years to realize I cannot control and plan out my ideal schedule as events, assignments, and situations, among others show up without warning. I felt there isn't enough time to do all the stuff I need to get done as I know my limits as a student when it comes to learning, understanding, and studying. However, everything works out in your favor whether you realize it then or not. It will be okay. Take one day, one step, one thing at a time. This has helped me and hopefully it may help you as well. 

Know you are not alone on this. Mental health is a sensitive and important topic that we all need to learn to discuss with others more. It is something we should be talking about and not avoiding. Speak how you feel. Share your uphill battle stories. Check in with people who may seem everything is fine. Life gets hard as each day goes by. Just know it is and will be okay.  

The Chinese Lady

Weekends call for adventures! Sometimes it includes theatre and catching up with old friends.

Last Saturday, I spent the night with an old friend of mine who I haven't hanged out with since freshman year. Time really does fly by. Now we're both in our senior year in college. It was good to finally hang out again and pig out as foodies together.

First stop was dinner. We stopped at Savoy and got Hainan Chicken rice (not photographed). Then we got drinks popcorn chicken at Bopomofo. It was my first time trying the popcorn chicken here and it was good! It's not the typical crispy type, more meatier and just enough flavor. The sauce with it was perfect. The matcha latte was really good too. Very light and it wasn't the powder type matcha.

Then we went to see the play, The Chinese Lady, by Lloyd Suh. This play was one of the plays I worked on as a producing intern this past summer. To see it in person, the official production, from reading the actual play during the internship to experiencing the live version was amazing. There were parts of the play that I didn't even know were funny until seeing it in person, being performed before me. I definitely felt more emotions across the spectrum during the performance than reading it. I teared up and cried too. This play embodies so many messages. How others view the Chinese. What it takes to be American. What defines the American culture. The way people treat others. Inequality. Acceptance. The struggle in a different environment. Conformity. The list goes on. The Chinese Lady is about the alleged first Chinese woman to set foot on U.S. soil, Afong Moy, who is bought and showcased as a display to the American public that follows her story over a half a century. The story transcends over generations and time as it is relatable to many today and all ethnicities. I am so grateful to have been a part of this play is some way, during its pre-production stage. It was also great to see some of the people I worked with during the summer on this play. Seeing more stories that need to be told being chosen to be showcased and shared with the public is what really matters at the end of the day.

To top off a heart-wrenching story, we went to Oakobing to lighten the air with mango melon shaved ice. So good and so filling!

Definitely a night full of raw emotions, contemplating, gratitude, and lots of food I won't forget.

A New View on Women's Image

How we, females, are portrayed and viewed in society needs to change.

Currently, I am taking an Introduction to Gender Studies in Humanities course at CSUF. My professor, Professor Christian, opened my eyes to a totally different way of viewing society with some of the following issues discussed in class about the female image.

Females are portrayed in media, television, movies, and other mediums to be skinny, tone, slim, and above all, beautiful. But what defines beautiful for a female? In our society, it is to have flawless skin, to have curves, to have very little fat, to have amazing hair/hairstyle. We hold women at such a high standard, to this "ideal female figure." Do most of us females actually look like that in real life? Most of us don't. Then why do we have this as the image as what a female should be and look like? Why are we comparing females to this standard? The problem stems from a deeper and underlying reason: we, females, do this because this is what we think men want.

Females work on their appearances not exactly for themselves. They do it as they see there is this "ideal female figure" they should look like. As a result, females spend tons of money on their appearances. Hairstyles with the full-on transformation may cost a whole lot. This doesn't even include the makeup women spend for their features on their faces and nails. To top it off, most females take a longer time getting ready in the morning as opposed to males.

It surprised me to see this issue happening in front of me when I realized all my life, I knew, yet I never asked why. To hear males talk about how they spend 5 to 15 minutes in the morning was just a funny matter. It's a crazy difference but it never bothered me in the past, until now. We created an image that females are held accountable to at a very high standard, whereas we don't have an image created that males are held accountable to at a similarly high standard. It explains why females take longer in the mornings, spend on makeup, hair stylists, clothes, and nails that do not match the time and money that males take and spend by a long shot.

This image we created is all over the media. What media tells us is what we need to hold ourselves up to. We see Brie Larson, as Captain Marvel, vigorously training for nine months for her role. As a result, women and men see her on the big screens and this is one of the many that females should look like. The truth is the body Larson has developed and created took many months of training and isn't the typical body that most females will and should have. With the training, Larson was also on a Paleo meal diet. This brings me to the question again, why do we allow physical appearance and not the health of a female, to be an example of the "ideal female figure"?

Rather, we should ask an obstetrician-gynecologist (OB-GYN) what is the "ideal female figure" in regards to height, weight, age, health, among other factors. The "ideal female figure" females should strive for should be healthy. A healthy female figure. A healthy female figure should be what circulates into the media, which makes males realize that should be what they want, that makes females know that this is the image of a female figure they should be comparing themselves to. By doing so, we stop and prevent the vicious cycle of making a fantasy image into realism.

The photo above is a picture of myself. I don't use human images for my posts but for this, I wanted to. As you can see, I have blemishes, I am not perfect. I don't have makeup on, I don't use it. I don't stylize my hair because I don't think it's necessary. Just a typical depiction of how I look on the daily. I want to show that it's okay not to have makeup and do all those things. We can break the cycle and create a new standard for females to follow. Create the real life standard for a female and put it in the media for the world to begin to change. Make healthy the new normal, the new standard. This will allow females to be equal with males slowly and surely. This will change the future generations to come. There will be less bullying. There will be less judgment. There will be more self-acceptance, self-assurance, and confidence.

This change is not going to be easy, as to undo what many females have learned over the years is most likely not going to happen any time soon. What we can do is to try and teach the younger female generations on accepting and creating a healthy female figure that is suited for each one of them alone. This will create a new view of women's image that is needed to reach equality in society between men and women.

Reminder, Reflection, Reaction

Two weeks into senior year, the final round, and... quite a bit of unexpected reminders of the past bled into the present. To say the least, they made me question my moral compass, my belief in the good in people. They made me question how many more bullets have to be aimed at me for the world to see there's only so much fire I can take before I am exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I ended up crying but not because these moments happened but because I was trying so hard to figure out what I have to learn, what I should take away from these marks in my life. I took a walk on campus and ended at my favorite place, Wall Gazing Gallery. Some reason, being around water calms and relaxes me, even if this time the water was not falling from the roof of the structure. Seeing the water move was enough for me, to find some peace in all this madness.

I think I figured it out what these moments wanted to teach me, at least at this stage of my life.

There are going to be so many reminders in your life that you may or immensely want to escape from. But life has a funny way of doing, as it keeps bringing signs or reminders into your life that you want to leave behind in the past, to close that chapter for good. Those reminders actually help you grow even when it feels like you're walking backwards into your history all over again. They are to keep you moving, to make you face those moments again. They are to make you deal with the pain they once gave you. Now, how are you going to react to those reminders? Are you going to face them head on or divert until the next time you encounter it?

As much as a person wants to leave the past behind, the past finds its way back at some point in time, bringing all the feels, pain, anxiety back in. Your past wants to keep teaching you on how to react and reflect on those moments in your previous chapters until you have learned everything you need from them. They aren't here to suffocate you, to tear you down. They are back in your life to encourage you to learn from them and to overcome. Create YOUR own peace from them. But remember, peace comes in waves, everything comes in waves. The peace you find one day may not work the next time you encounter your past, that reminder, that sign. That is okay. You will find another peace that works for you each time.

Just remember, each reminder, sign that brings you back to the past, that keeps you tied to the past, is only back because it hasn't finished teaching you all that you need to learn from it. You will find the peace needed in each moment of your past that comes back into your life.