In Focus Interview with CSUF President Virjee and Benzer Uy

In the midst of this pandemic, lots of changes and adjustments had to be factored into every little thing, including production.

In April, I was fortunate to be able to continue to produce what I envisioned with the help of Titan TV, coworkers, and guests, using the platform Zoom. Grateful for Titan TV and the people I work with for making it happen!

Check out an In Focus episode with CSUF President Virjee where he discusses his journey and plans as president in the following: video link or below.

Check out an In Focus episode with Benzer Uy, a music artist, who shares his music path and how the Entertainment and Hospitality Management program at CSUF has helped him in the following: video link or below. For more info on Benzer, check out his website and his Spotify for more of his music!

Stay tuned for another episode, hopefully within the next year!

Please Go Away, COVID-19, Please

April 1, 2020 

Dear COVID-19,

This past weekend, I finally understood how I was feeling.

I struggled to cope with the new normal, us humans are facing.

I lost motivation. I had headaches. I had trouble sleeping. I woke up with more headaches.

There was a discomfort I couldn't pinpoint. I didn't know how to express this feeling in me.

Then it finally hit me.

I was watching Hallmark Christmas movies till the AM with my big sister who already fell asleep.

It was six something in the morning. I decided it's time to sleep. I walked past the door. I saw light coming in I walked towards the door, looking out the window. There was no sun, but the sky spilled some light on earth.

I opened the door. I stood between the door and the gates. The sky looked different. Even with no sun shining, the light the sky shed back on earth felt different to me. The air felt cold against my nose. I breathed in the coldness. I heard the sounds of birds chirping with my ears. The view from the house looked different. There was pureness. There was perfection. There was beauty I haven't seen in so long through all the chaos you've created in our world.

I closed the door and stared into the faces' of my woken up family members from hearing the door open, all worried and yelling at me. I had no idea my one action of light could cause so much ruckus in the household. I just wanted to go outside and see the light the sky created.

I headed to bed. It was about 6:20 AM. I started crying. I knew what I was feeling then and there.

I wanted my life back. I wanted my senior year back.

I held my red bear in my arms under the covers in hopes I will stop crying with some comfort.

I didn't.

I cried my eyes out silently, afraid my family will hear me. Until 7:20 AM.

My chest was heavy. My throat was tightening. My heart hurt.

I was grieving. Grieving for my senior year.

No more going to the gym. No more roomie talks in person. No more attending school events. No more walking down to eat at the Gastronome. No more graduation in May. The list goes on.

I buried my grief through school and work, adjusting to the new normal: online learning and remote work.

I did Instagram story challenges: draw a fruit, post a picture and tag 10 females to spread positivity and women empowerment. I played GamePigeon with friends. I read the news. I watched Hallmark Christmas movies. These were all my ways of coping and I didn't realize that until now.

My behavior wasn't as reckless as others' actions, but I now knew why they did what they did. They were coping.

When we are not in control, in unknown territory, or dealing with trauma, we may do things that are crazy and wild. No one, besides me, would stay up watching Christmas movies and walk into the cold at 6 in the morning just to see the sky.

My actions and feelings were my way of coping with everything since you uprooted my life and everyone else's.

There was fear of how people saw me as I am Chinese. There was anxiety when I faced racism at night as a car drove passed with a man shouting something at me related to you, COVID-19. There was fear for the health and safety of my family when I returned home after knowing three students at my school were self-isolated after returning from a conference. There was anxiety when I did grocery shopping with my sister or mom. There was fear of how I will adjust to my environment for my studies. There was anxiety for those I care for who are immunocompromised. The list goes on.

My feelings and emotions are on a rollercoaster ride. I went from fear, to okay, to joking, to denial, to grief, to sadness, to anger, to acceptance, to moving forward. All of this in a span of three weeks when you hit real close to home.

The rollercoaster of emotions and feelings continue. Everyday.

This grieving process of healing is a challenge: mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's like a breakup. I don't know when the pain you caused to all will be over.

No one knows if you will leave or stay like the flu. A new normal that has its own season, like flu season, each year.

Even when you finally blow over, who knows how people will see Asian Americans who apply for jobs. Racism may continue or even more so. Fear may still reign. Some businesses may never see the light of day again. The list goes on.

You have uprooted so many lives. You have taken many lives.

You defined 2020.

You tainted my memory of college.

Please, I beg of you to leave.

I'm not religious but I pray and I added you to the list.

I pray for you to leave us, for us to return back to normal before you came along.

Please leave so this nightmare will end.

I will continue praying for you to be gone until you are.


Yours Truly,

A Heartbroken Asian-American College Senior, Class of 2020

(College Edition)

Different Sides to One

It’s been a while since I posted here. To be honest, I hit some bumpy roads, lots and lots of thinking, and needed some time to reflect. Here’s to reflection time! 

It’s officially the last semester of college for me. It’s been yet another crazy four years:  discovering more about myself, what I want to better myself in, knowing I want to help others in some way as my life’s purpose, understanding more about my mental health state, continuously trying to do things out of my comfort zone, being okay with not being okay, and learn how to accept and confront uncomfortable moments. But there is one thing that moved from high school to college that I noticed. 

For the past two days, I mentioned to two friends along the lines of how we only know people’s one facet that we interact with. In high school, a guy I knew, was known as the funny one, somewhat a class clown, but always friendly and goofy. There came a day, I can’t remember the exact words exchanged, but he said that he only posts funny stuff on Snapchat and I responded with I only knew him as a funny guy and don’t really truly know him. Most of the people at school only know him as that as well. 

It is the same now, in college. People only see others in that setting (ex. classroom). They don’t really know the other facets of others. It takes one-on-one time to know someone, and even then, it’s not 100%. There's more to someone than meets the eye. More to the person than one puts on or lets others in on. 

I challenge you, my readers, to ask questions, talk to someone, and really try to get to know them better. Try it once and see the difference. The funny ones may have a deeper and emotional side to them and vise versa for those who seem quiet and sensitive may be quirky and funny. Takedown the first impressions and see the person without tinted glasses. 

In Focus Interview with Professor Roberts

This past month, I was able to have the opportunity to produce, write, host, and edit an episode of In Focus, a show produced by Titan TV, at work. The process began in October with a pitch of my ideas and the rest followed after with coordinating with the production coordinator for a day to do the interview, working with my professor to schedule a day, and editing the footage into a cohesive episode. 

I was fortunate to interview Professor Roberts, an adjunct professor at CSUF, who I had previously had as my professor. He has so much stories, knowledge, and advice to share and give that I really wanted the public to hear from. The idea to interview him stemmed from not many students at my school knows about the Center for Entertainment and Hospitality Management and it blossomed from there. 

The major, Business Administration with a concentration in Entertainment and Hospitality Management is very underrepresented and overlooked as an undergrad degree. Very few know about it. I didn't even know about the concentration until I was at CSUF and considered changing my concentration as a freshman. Doing this interview not only is to share the stories and knowledge my professor has with everyone but also to share with those who may be interested in the entertainment or hospitality industry and learn more about what CSUF Mihaylo College has to offer in these fields. 

Please share with those who you think may be interested in learning more about the entertainment or hospitality industry. The video is below but the official link is here: video link. Thank you and let me know if you have any questions as well! 

Beginning of November

Happy three days into November everyone! I hope y'all began November on a good note! Make the most of the last two months of 2019! 

I like to update you, my fellow readers, I will be taking a break from my blog the next three weeks (including this one). I will do my best to have a post during Thanksgiving break. For now, please enjoy this beautiful sunset I caught yesterday when going to eat dinner at the cafeteria at my school. 

Stay safe and warm everyone! Hydrate as well! Hope everyone is safe and well, especially those who are near the fires recently.