Two weeks into senior year, the final round, and... quite a bit of unexpected reminders of the past bled into the present. To say the least, they made me question my moral compass, my belief in the good in people. They made me question how many more bullets have to be aimed at me for the world to see there's only so much fire I can take before I am exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I ended up crying but not because these moments happened but because I was trying so hard to figure out what I have to learn, what I should take away from these marks in my life. I took a walk on campus and ended at my favorite place, Wall Gazing Gallery. Some reason, being around water calms and relaxes me, even if this time the water was not falling from the roof of the structure. Seeing the water move was enough for me, to find some peace in all this madness.
I think I figured it out what these moments wanted to teach me, at least at this stage of my life.
There are going to be so many reminders in your life that you may or immensely want to escape from. But life has a funny way of doing, as it keeps bringing signs or reminders into your life that you want to leave behind in the past, to close that chapter for good. Those reminders actually help you grow even when it feels like you're walking backwards into your history all over again. They are to keep you moving, to make you face those moments again. They are to make you deal with the pain they once gave you. Now, how are you going to react to those reminders? Are you going to face them head on or divert until the next time you encounter it?
As much as a person wants to leave the past behind, the past finds its way back at some point in time, bringing all the feels, pain, anxiety back in. Your past wants to keep teaching you on how to react and reflect on those moments in your previous chapters until you have learned everything you need from them. They aren't here to suffocate you, to tear you down. They are back in your life to encourage you to learn from them and to overcome. Create YOUR own peace from them. But remember, peace comes in waves, everything comes in waves. The peace you find one day may not work the next time you encounter your past, that reminder, that sign. That is okay. You will find another peace that works for you each time.
Just remember, each reminder, sign that brings you back to the past, that keeps you tied to the past, is only back because it hasn't finished teaching you all that you need to learn from it. You will find the peace needed in each moment of your past that comes back into your life.
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