It's been more than a month since I finished my junior year and started my summer. This third year has been a huge reflection of lessons resulting from many failures and discovering a little more about myself along the way.
As mentioned in a previous post, it took me six weeks to get use to my first semester of junior year in Fall 2018. I had a really bad case of anxiety and I am not afraid to admit it. It is a problem. I was also taking five classes, one class more than the previous two semesters (internship class doesn't count in my opinion) and they were all upper division courses. I felt I did not have enough time to study and understand all the material I was given. To add to it, cooking on my own. That I cannot do and I am not afraid to admit that too. Cooking is not my forte and all I could think of was cooking and washing dishes would cut into my study time. It takes me a lot of time to understand the curriculum and I knew that. As a result, health and relationships were put to the back burner. It was me and my books all the time, barely any free time, just working on school stuff the minute I get up or I will be thinking about schoolwork already.
The take away was... I totally failed to adult, needed to ask for some help from my family, specifically from my mom (so grateful) to help make food for me. I realized after my fall semester that I had to make goals for 2019 to improve A LOT of things. For starters, focus on my health, to do exercise and work on my relationships with people by meeting up with them. I managed to maintain exercising once a week. I felt mentally and physically great. I was able to catch up with friends who I did not get to the previous semester and continue working on all my relationships with people I interacted with.
One of the biggest lessons I learned and discovered was there are so many things out of one's control but things always have a way of working themselves out. Towards the end of the semester, I was feeling defeated on internship hunting and a little bit overwhelmed with various events that came up that I had to work my schedule around. For the former, I just kept persisting and going without giving up. For the latter, I took a step back, breathe, and did what I could do, one step at a time. Add the changes and blend them into my schedule by adjusting and rearranging. In addition to that, for my spring semester, I worked part-time at school, first job ever. Totally new to me and was a bit scared, but learned a lot and became a stronger and communicative person for it. Five classes that turned to four classes after five weeks with a job was not easy for me, but it made me find out that I was able to handle more than I thought. I did not get all the results that I wanted for my courses but I learned to accept that I can't control the outcome, only what I can do, which was work hard. As long as I know I tried my best, whatever the outcome did not matter. One can only control so much and let the unknown take its own course.
Here to a wonderful life lesson school year and more to come senior before I enter the real world.
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